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Today, I Failed

Saturday morning is set aside for Jiu-Jitsu practice. I started going a few months so I could face some fears that I didn’t realize I had. New Year’s Eve 2022 was no different. I packed my son up, grabbed my bag and my water, and headed out for the gym. We arrived and it was a small class where I was one of two females present. Coach is good and really works to teach the concepts of the moves; it’s like teaching kids yet with adult language. Honestly, I probably would learn better and even faster at the kids class, yet I’m hanging in with the adults.


The last class of the year was my best class to date! I asked lots of questions. I had to stop for a bit so I could tend to my son who threw up due to reflux. You’d think I earned a new belt color or even a stripe for that matter, none of those things were the case, and I was still overjoyed with how I won even with the perceived and literal failures. I was able to see just how much I have grown over the last few months in jiu jitsu and also through jiu jitsu.


This is what I wrote the last day of 2022:


Today, I failed and am ending 2022 on a happy note!


Today, I surprised myself.


Today, I let go and was okay.


Today, I fell, correctly, without thinking.


Today, I faced fears and was okay.


Today, I shed a tear. A tear of joy and not from fear.


Today, I suffered and was okay.


Today, I was vulnerable and was okay.


Today, I learned through being vulnerable.


Today, through vulnerability, I saw just how much I've learned in a short time.


Today, I tapped out several times.


Today, I lost and still won big time.


Today, I failed forward.


Today was the culmination of months of me:


Choosing me,

Showing up for me,

Committing to me,

Challenging me,

Embracing and pushing through the suck,

Dispelling the lies my inner critic tells me,

Healing me,

Trusting the process,

Trusting me,

Pushing me,

Not quitting on me,

Discovering me.


Today, I surrendered, and I grew.


Today, I celebrated me.


Today, I found joy through the journey!


Today, set me up for and is propelling me into an exceptional 2023!


These are life skills that I’m learning enabling me to practice and implement in my day to day activities. I’m learning to address my relationship with failure. I’m learning how to embrace failing forward, what that means, and feels like.


I’m beginning to understand how I win even when I fail.



[Image description: white male wearing white gi and blue belt in side position against the back of black female wearing navy blue gi and white belt getting into baby bridge position.]


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